The Writing on the Wall
Morgan Barr
My hands start to shake as I drop the phone. I scream louder than I have ever screamed before. The sound rings in my ears as I burst into tears, crumbling to the floor. This is not happening. I did not just get that phone call. I did not just hear that voice tell me the news. I did not hear that. I have one more month before Cory comes home. I’m going to see him in thirty days at the airport. I am going to run and he’s going to catch me in those big, strong arms of his that have been there every time I needed to cry. I scream and cry and shake my head trying to shake off reality. Cory is coming home, he’s coming home in thirty days, I’m going to see him in thirty days. This is not true. I did not just get that phone call. I’m going to see him, and everything is going to be alright. My head is a mess as I try to convince myself of the lies I’m telling myself. I did not just get that phone call, and Cory is not dead.
I try calling him. No answer. I get his voicemail, and almost die.
“Hi, this is Cory! I’m in Iraq right now, but I’ll call you as soon as possible!” Is what I hear. I hear his voice and want the audiotape to last forever. It’s not fair. This is not fair. Of all the people, why take Cory? He was the one person I had found who finally understood me, who could make me smile anytime, who was there when my dreams were crushed, and when my dreams all worked out. He was my person, my perfect match, my everything, and now, he’s gone.
I call his mom. She picks up.
“Hi, hun,” JJ says with a distinct difference in her normally cheerful, ecstatic, familiar voice. She’s been doing the same thing I have: screaming and crying. Trying to make it not real, trying to bring Cory back, to bring him back to us, our little town, and our now breaking hearts.
“How are you doing Rachel? I can tell you it hasn’t been easy here. Tim and I haven’t slept or eaten since we got the call.” She tells me choking on her last phrase.
“I don’t know. I can’t feel anything, It feels like someone ripped out a piece of me and I can’t express how much it hurts.” I barely make it through the sentence before I bust into tears.
“It’s just not fair! Of all the people, it had to be him. It had to be the ones person I loved and cared for most! He had to be the one who died, not the others, just Cory!” I can’t fathom the emotions pouring out of myself the tears and cries turn into screams and sinking to the ground. JJ understands. I can hear her doing the same thing on the other end of the phone. We can’t even try to be strong. We have to let it out before it consumes us. The grief, the anger, the conflicting emotions that we can’t put into little boxes like normal.
All of a sudden, I hear a voice. It’s Tim, Cory’s dad. The same man who created, and shaped the man I love with my whole heart; the man I will never get over.
“Rachel, baby, try to calm down, I know it’s hard, but we have to try to compose ourselves. At least until tomorrow night. They’re bringing our boy home in the morning, and we want you there. You’re the one Cory turned to with everything, and he’s the one you leaned on throughout your entire life. You were his best friend, his girl, his baby, his wife, and his first love. And right now, he needs you to be the strongest you’ve ever been.” That’s Tim, on the other end of the line, trying to put into words what none of us can. Trying to be the rock for me and JJ. I don’t know what we’d do without him. JJ and Tim are my only family, and now I’m going to be theirs. My parents died sophomore year in a car crash, leaving me all alone. Cory was the one that was there for me. His parents even let me move in with them. Cory was there for me all along, but who’s going to be here for me now?
⤰⤰⤰⤰⤰⤰
Standing on the runway with Tim and JJ on either side of me, we see the decorated officers rolling out the casket. My emotions and my heart are a wreck. My head says no, but when they stop the casket in front of us, I can’t help it. I throw myself on top of it, crying and screaming into the American flag laying on top of the silver bed my boy will lay in for eternity. My blonde hair covers my face, which is a mess of smeared makeup. I probably look like a raccoon, but I don’t care. I hear JJ starting to blubber. A minute later, I hear her screaming.
“WHY him?!!” Her words are almost unidentifiable between her tears and her screams. Screams for a son, a friend, and a man we will never get back. She is quieted by her husband pulling her towards him. The two of them crying together, her head on his shoulder, him holding her head and her back as the silent tears streamed down his face. Tim understands that accidents happen, and that sometimes soldiers don’t make it home. He’s seen it many times throughout his years in the Army, but he never imagined it would be Cory. I know that for a fact.
I walk towards them, and they let me join their embrace. We stand and cry for a few more moments, and I look to my left hand where the small diamond ring encircle my ring finger, forever representing what Cory and I shared. An eternal love that cannot be stopped, that doesn’t just go away. A love that will carry me throughout the rest of my days. I do not even want to think of ever finding someone else. That is unimaginable. I don’t want to be one of those typical army widows. We got married two days after graduation, three days before Cory shipped out to basic training. His twentieth birthday was just a few days before everything happened. We had video chatted, having our own little celebration. My birthday was the day after he was supposed to come home. I’m going to be celebrating alone now.
JJ is the one that breaks the embrace. Still holding one of each of our hands, she leads Tim and I over to the casket, where we each line up side by side and lay our hands on the eternal resting place of our boy. We begin to push as a single thought comes to my mind:
What now?
I try calling him. No answer. I get his voicemail, and almost die.
“Hi, this is Cory! I’m in Iraq right now, but I’ll call you as soon as possible!” Is what I hear. I hear his voice and want the audiotape to last forever. It’s not fair. This is not fair. Of all the people, why take Cory? He was the one person I had found who finally understood me, who could make me smile anytime, who was there when my dreams were crushed, and when my dreams all worked out. He was my person, my perfect match, my everything, and now, he’s gone.
I call his mom. She picks up.
“Hi, hun,” JJ says with a distinct difference in her normally cheerful, ecstatic, familiar voice. She’s been doing the same thing I have: screaming and crying. Trying to make it not real, trying to bring Cory back, to bring him back to us, our little town, and our now breaking hearts.
“How are you doing Rachel? I can tell you it hasn’t been easy here. Tim and I haven’t slept or eaten since we got the call.” She tells me choking on her last phrase.
“I don’t know. I can’t feel anything, It feels like someone ripped out a piece of me and I can’t express how much it hurts.” I barely make it through the sentence before I bust into tears.
“It’s just not fair! Of all the people, it had to be him. It had to be the ones person I loved and cared for most! He had to be the one who died, not the others, just Cory!” I can’t fathom the emotions pouring out of myself the tears and cries turn into screams and sinking to the ground. JJ understands. I can hear her doing the same thing on the other end of the phone. We can’t even try to be strong. We have to let it out before it consumes us. The grief, the anger, the conflicting emotions that we can’t put into little boxes like normal.
All of a sudden, I hear a voice. It’s Tim, Cory’s dad. The same man who created, and shaped the man I love with my whole heart; the man I will never get over.
“Rachel, baby, try to calm down, I know it’s hard, but we have to try to compose ourselves. At least until tomorrow night. They’re bringing our boy home in the morning, and we want you there. You’re the one Cory turned to with everything, and he’s the one you leaned on throughout your entire life. You were his best friend, his girl, his baby, his wife, and his first love. And right now, he needs you to be the strongest you’ve ever been.” That’s Tim, on the other end of the line, trying to put into words what none of us can. Trying to be the rock for me and JJ. I don’t know what we’d do without him. JJ and Tim are my only family, and now I’m going to be theirs. My parents died sophomore year in a car crash, leaving me all alone. Cory was the one that was there for me. His parents even let me move in with them. Cory was there for me all along, but who’s going to be here for me now?
⤰⤰⤰⤰⤰⤰
Standing on the runway with Tim and JJ on either side of me, we see the decorated officers rolling out the casket. My emotions and my heart are a wreck. My head says no, but when they stop the casket in front of us, I can’t help it. I throw myself on top of it, crying and screaming into the American flag laying on top of the silver bed my boy will lay in for eternity. My blonde hair covers my face, which is a mess of smeared makeup. I probably look like a raccoon, but I don’t care. I hear JJ starting to blubber. A minute later, I hear her screaming.
“WHY him?!!” Her words are almost unidentifiable between her tears and her screams. Screams for a son, a friend, and a man we will never get back. She is quieted by her husband pulling her towards him. The two of them crying together, her head on his shoulder, him holding her head and her back as the silent tears streamed down his face. Tim understands that accidents happen, and that sometimes soldiers don’t make it home. He’s seen it many times throughout his years in the Army, but he never imagined it would be Cory. I know that for a fact.
I walk towards them, and they let me join their embrace. We stand and cry for a few more moments, and I look to my left hand where the small diamond ring encircle my ring finger, forever representing what Cory and I shared. An eternal love that cannot be stopped, that doesn’t just go away. A love that will carry me throughout the rest of my days. I do not even want to think of ever finding someone else. That is unimaginable. I don’t want to be one of those typical army widows. We got married two days after graduation, three days before Cory shipped out to basic training. His twentieth birthday was just a few days before everything happened. We had video chatted, having our own little celebration. My birthday was the day after he was supposed to come home. I’m going to be celebrating alone now.
JJ is the one that breaks the embrace. Still holding one of each of our hands, she leads Tim and I over to the casket, where we each line up side by side and lay our hands on the eternal resting place of our boy. We begin to push as a single thought comes to my mind:
What now?